I had a dream that started off as a remodeling/construction nightmare, but it evolved into a scene where Mike and his mom, Dinny, appeared.
It was pretty bright and Mike had his sunglasses on an had a huge smile on his face. He was actually beaming. He was wearing the white shirt that he wore at the funeral home, but in the dream he was standing and looking radiant (although I was slightly annoyed that I couldn’t see his eyes b/c of the sunglasses).
He didn’t say anything, but when I turned to look at Dinny, she said, “I think it’s time to let him go.”
And that was the end of the dream.
I’ve found myself thinking that I don’t want to let him go. I’ve been longing for his presence all week. I miss his music, his cooking, his love for me and the kids, his sense of humor, his garden, and his loyalty. I miss that he loved strawberry ice cream. I miss the stories he told. I miss knowing, trusting, belonging.
Of course, there are things I don’t miss, (#1 is snoring) but I’d take it all back in a heartbeat if I could.
Letting go is hard.